NICK UTAH
5YRS
Driving home I can see the smoke rising off the river. With a click of my lighter I inquire why I never left this town when I had the chance and why I surround myself with this circumstance. Now I'm running out of options as to how I can escape this history of misery. Repetition is what I must evade. The fog consumes me; too thick to see. With the music up so loud that I can't hear another sound, I find it hard to believe that I stand alone in this time of need. Because the jobs keep leaving and the factories are closing. NAFTA lets everything relocate to Mexico. Poverty spreads like a fatal disease and the only sure thing about the economy is that the heroin addiction will surely triple. I can't help but feel like I am caught here in the middle when empty pockets are the cause of violence and the rich keep getting richer. The lack of education makes a bad situation impossible of being fixed.
02. CORK
Layin down on the gas pedal, you can still feel the freedom, be it glimpses at a time. Lost and found everything I meant to hold, and held for so well for so long that I felt like a cork watchin the pouring wine or a traffic jam just laughing at the time. Have you caught yourself staring? Have they got you keeping score? Have you caught yourself staring? Not caring, just beggin for more. To sit around is to accept- you're bound to hear the tales of escape.
Back in town, another failed attempt. You're too young, you're too smart, you're too strong, YOU'RE TOO LATE. Like a cork watching the pouring wine or a traffic jam just laughing at the time. Have you caught yourself saying, "Hey man, I don't blame ya" and have you caught yourself saying, "I want out of South Central Pennsylvania"
03. SURVIVOR II
Across one of the lines still acceptable to draw, I met a girl with a vegan t-shirt on and she looked just like the anarcho offspring of a cancer patient and a person hooked on methamphetamine. She said she could make the best pot brownies in the state of Arizona but she just could not justify voting.
And somewhere East of Denver but before the state line there's a young woman reading from the great minds
while her boyfriend's been cheating and beating on her for years. Sometimes things are just as fucked up as they appear. She swears she moving to St. Paul. The walls are wearing the paintings she made for him
just like the bruises being shown off by her skin. I cry justice, just this one time. Freedom from the numb minds of our politicans and religious leaders. I'd do lines of anthrax from a bird feeder before
I'd listen to one more word from you. Now heroes are grown on media trees and the focus of Americans immediately shifts from shows loosely based on reality. Well you can rewrite the dictionary one word at a time. But to this day there is only one hero i've met in my life. He was a survivor of East Bay family values. A survivor who makes Job look lucky. A survivor and believer for life. Marching coast to coast and back through the most depressing display of a lack of humanity you'd have to see to believe not to believe in what they force fed to you. A survivor, an anarchist, and a hero.
04. The Blame Game
At a time and a place unknown we've grown into this. A pyramid of potential eroded to rubble. I miss the days when we weren't wondering why we're at war or when it would stop. I wish you would stop. I wish you'd stop fucking around with the fates of other countries, diverting focus from problems here at home. We've got our own children starving and people living on the streets and you won't fix that with foreign policy, hell no. So I wait until we strike a revolution or a comprimise. Tourniquet tied tight around my patience. It contricts with every lie. So I sit and wonder why we don't stop fucking around with the fates of other countries, diverting focus from problems here at home. We've got our own children starving and people living on the streets and you won't fix that with foreign policy, hell no. When a policy has caused more problems than it solved it's obvious we need a shift. You say "stay the course" without a shade or remorse. It's obvious we need a shift. Rendered so corrupt with rust that people only put their trust in the name of god. But when every number falls except job approval, you blame who you want. Blame who you want but it won't get any better until we stop fucking around with the fates of other countries, diverting focus from problems here at home. We've got our own children starving and people living on the streets and you won't fix that with foreign policy, hell no.
05. Blacktop Mafia Law
Drink it up in the morning just to numb the warning signs that times are trying to blind our minds eyes. If you need someone to blame look at who runs the game. Same rules we used to use to ensure we were excused from losing on the schoolyard. It's the blacktop mafia law. Victims of a system that we thought we thought up. Using violence to solve problems is so ridiculous it's only used by small children and big, bad governments. It is hard to argue with a magnetic yellow ribbon. We call them heros and ignore who they are killing. Got a bible in your left hand, gun in your right. Humanize only the victims of the winning side. God's side, the right side, everytime the headlines reflect only one side. And it's always the side with the money. A game fixed courtesy of the blacktop mafia law. Victims of a system we thought we thought up.
06. Cancer
Pack your bags, hit the door. You said you couldn't take any more. All I do and all I say and how my words just get in our way. So now I'm out like the faint light twitching so close above my head. Subtly reminding me the electric bill is overdue and there's no way I'll be able to pay all the bill collectors plaguing me. Fifty bucks on a carton of smokes and minimum wage is the worst joke I've heard since the last time you thought that you had a nationally acclaimed stand-up act when you proceeded to tear me apart. You think that you're so goddamn smart. Suddenly it occurred to me: You're the worst person you could be. And although the similarities are striking between us, in that light, it's luminance remains forever flickered and consumed in worry. Constant threat of termination yet we make our best attempts to bask in it. Even though we all know we're just going to die of cancer eventually.
07. Lightning Luck
I was struck down by that old lightning luck. I put bottle after bottle down until I couldn't get up. Hindsight's not always 20/20, there are more than a few blank spots of time in my mind. My being had receded to the point where I'm just seeing glimpses of what's going on. What's going on? And as I lay there floating in my self-inflicted ocean a voice within me started to say: Someday, everything's gunna fall in place, yea, maybe it's someday soon. And three months later, drinking Jager at the Buca in St. Louis. After the show Hippie broke his nose and bought blow and got blood all inside the limo. I'm starting to learn the pattern of the world's turns and incidents of coincidence. Luck and karma never bother me. Someday everything's gunna fall in place, yea. Maybe it is someday soon.
08. Tijuana of the Face
There is nowhere to go and the jobs pay too low. The rent is too high and I'm barely limping by. No opportunity, but none of this is new to me. Unexpected problems with no way to solve them. Walls crash down all around and the sound is deafening but no one is listening. Another factory goes overseas without a word containing concern. Gas climbs, we scrape, and they gave the tax breaks all to the rich and this could be the end of me. So pack the car, pack the bowl, and simply start driving. Let's see where the future will be. People say you can't runaway from your problems, but it always worked for me.
09. We Keep Odd Hours
Two months up and two months down and too much time to recall now. We hit it hard and hit it long and kept it going through the morning and we need not mention caution. We need not mention addiction. Or consider the possibility that we may not remember a goddamn minute of it. And I was shaking like I've never been shaking before. Sweating like Condi at the 9/11 Commission. I felt like a black man in Scott County, Tennessee. The weeks fly by these days it seems at least to me. The times get tight so we're staying up all night. As long as we get ours then feel free to take yours. Apologies but we keep odd hours. And these are my most prized possessions. The things that nothing could ever take away. So don't say I never said that I may be forever shaking like I've never been shaking before. Sweating like Condi at the 9/11 Commission. I felt like a black man in Scott County, Tennessee. May we never speak of this again.
10. Lightbulb
She does two lines of coke off the sink in the restroom and then she smokes meth out of a lightbulb and she doesn't consider this destructive behavior. Well, she seems like a decent source of advice, and I really don't feel like living through tonight. Why should I be the one who tries to save her? She's eighteen with big dreams but from here I can see her future choking. If second hand is worse than first I'll consider quitting smoking. This glimpse of time I am living out tonight will soon be far away and odds are I won't remember this in the morning despite the fact that I know I won't be going to sleep tonight. I'm twenty with big dreams but anyone can see my future is choking. If second hand is worse than first I'll consider quitting smoking. With a twist of fate I will consolidate my racing mind into three short lines: I won't remember this in the morning despite the fact that I know I won't be going to sleep tonight.
11. Sauvignon Blank
A sign, a way, a direction we can stay headed in faithfully. A generation brought up on violence and nonstop entertainment. Don't sit around and wonder how we got where we are right now, I said we are where we are right now, but where will we go and how will we get there? How will we get where we need to be? It's that daily grind you've got your mind invested in, but don't take that as permanent pessimism, no. You can do whatever you want to do. Can we put away all the tired games? We don't want to play them anymore. I got one eye slightly brighter than the other with a grip that's getting tighter as this bag is getting lighter and even I can make out: We are where we are right now. But where will we go and how will we get there? How will we get where we need to be? I don't know.
12. Like Bob Woodward
I don't give a fuck what anybody says, I'll live my life how I see fit. All I ever had control of is me. I know that I can live with misfortune but not regret. If I don't act now that is what I know it will be. Just let me make my own mistakes. You know there is no punishment I can't take. You're soft spoken with an iron fist while I am a pissed-off loud-mouthed progressive pacifist and I refuse to allow you to stop me again. This time it's different. This time the chips are going to count. This time, one of us is out and I'd bet the farm it's you. And now my blood pressure is rising like unleaded gasoline prices. A civil war inside of myself. A conflict of interest between my heart and my common sense. Well I'll see my common sense in hell. Now there's no turning back, my very own plan of attack (like Bob Woodward's book on the war in Iraq.) But my intentions are pure and my devotion is true and like Bob Woodward I'll do what I must do to keep fighting the good fight.
13. The Jersey Devil has a Purple Heart
We need to keep our minds right where they belong: A destination we have been known to call home before the tones of ignorance finished their course. We don't tolerate that type of shit anymore. So go and see for yourself and be enlightened. Leave your fucking town. Toast to drowned out the lack of echoes cheering us on. Tip your cup if you've had enough. Put those Bic's up in the air because we're gunna party like we're getting paid for it. We're gunna hit this bong like it owes us money. We're gunna kill this bottle as if it was the President. Most of the populus lacks the intelligence to see that the problem is the system itself. For that I blame education policy but it doesn't change the facts that we see all too clearly without the aid of a crutch in each hand. I'm hit by the useless of the concept of trying to make you understand. So to Hell with all the reasons, all the things that you don't even comprehend, but let's pretend to be friends because in the end we'll party like we're getting paid for it. We're gunna hit this bong like it owes us money. We're gunna kill this bottle as it is was the President. Half passed quarter after seven on the East Coast. Well, it's just right here. So you know we're going to...
14. Ace
Eight in the A.M. No sleep again. The streets are his when the streets are abandoned. The time is right and his veins are tight but his pockets are empty from the previous night. Fuck responsibility, east on I-80, Allegheny Avenue, streets of Philly. Counterfeit bills to seal the deal and then back up on the road before they know it isn't real. High school parking lot, never seem to get caught. Can't go back because the bags have been bought. See you at three, eyes red as could be. Saying this to you won't be easy but it's all in your head. It's all in your head. The way you're going you'll end up dead. It's all in your head. Three days and counting. Withdrawl is mounting. Breathing isn't easy when all you hear is shouting. Our night, my car, like many times before. This smoke and these sounds are what I live for. Eyes burning red, light another cigarette. Emo as fuck and loving every minute. Talk about the summer breeze, talk about the disease, talk about some things that don't come easy. Three in the A.M. Time to hit the carpet right up on the floor of Scotty's basement. Fitzy's futon, conversation based on you winning the war that you have undertaken. You said "it's all in my head. It's all in my head. I'm not willing to die for this. It's all in my head." I love the snow fall, you love your curtain calls. Middle fingers way up, down another bottle. Scatter the shrapnel, two desperate souls stranded in a land prostituted for its coal. Wake up in the afternoon and cut our classes. Soon we'll be standing up with our hard-earned tassels. But just a few days before graduation the cops got you in a bullshit situation. Got out just in time. On the straight and narrow line between bad luck and an imminent sign of constant failure to ever answer life's tough questions when you are never aware it's all in my head. It's all in my head. I'm not going to die for this. It's all in my head.
15. Fusetown
Yea, so this motherfucker used to have it bad. He got his shit straight and dam I was proud. Two years clean from that hometown poison. I thought he was through this. He thought he was through this. But left hook, right hook: You could not even look your own boy in the eye. I remember the tone of those old lies like a bad taste coming back again. I still love you but goddamn. And his fuse is lit. And it's just a matter of time now. Brittany didn't want the attention. A handful of things never to mention. Ignorance is bliss or some shit I guess. I said, "You're too good for this." Retorical as it may have been you know that I was hanging on for the answer to a question that I could not even word correctly. Drugs rule everything around me. And the front door of her HUD housing was unlocked and just waiting for me. Passed out on the couch. Reality gave me a free sneak peek. No, my weeks can't all have ends like this one. And her fuse is burning and it's just a matter of time now. I've spent my fair share of time in the middle of fucking nowhere and I've walked countless city blocks so twisted that I could barely stand. I've been the Urban Urchin. But we all come from Trailer Parks and to Trailer Parks we refused to return. So I drink and dream and think of schemes to stop history from repeating. Something changed up inside of me when I woke up on my kitchen floor with my dog licking my face just begging me to awake. A fifth of 99 put me there in April 05. This kind of thing changes you forever. And I had a dream: Made a million bucks singing protest songs and went and spent it all on cocain. That's what it will do to you, it is in my blood. You know that I am coming from this town of Milton drags down everyone left hanging around. And it's just a matter of time now. So get out.
16. Sandra the Fighter
17. The Peeling
Let's end the words that disturb positive production. We've made so many steps in the direction of function. To turn back now would be the only crime worthy of capital punishment. So tip the top and think up thoughts of bringing down a government. We can see the Revolution from our hotel window. But reasoning does not mean that actions will follow. Ski masks and bandanas strewn about the faces of the informed and willing. You know that this feeling does meticulous things to me and down by the river we both know we could see everything in detail that we can only dream... Now how do you feel about expressing what is real? The beliefs that cause grief inside of your mind extinguished by the common sense of what we've learned tonight. It doesn't seem right that we should have to fight for equality. So many many many many years to learn the lessons of the less fortunate but flies buzz around their three day old meal while you bitch about your three dollar gas deal. Has the sense of humanity escaped everyone but me? My countrymen care not about the needs that you sought and fought to bring to the have-nots. Alcohol dims the light of our shared sun coming through the window. Peel the blinds that are covering those meticulous things to me. And down by the river we both know that we could see everything in detail that we can only dream about.
18. Hear Ye, Here Ye
Do not believe a word you hear here tonight. Label us terrorists, for free thinking's a crime. 'Reading' and 'remembering' are far out of line in a civilization that reached the epiphany that freedom doesn't have to be free. It can cost thoughts, rights, and nights of sleep lost to perspiration in quantities rivalled only by the Indonesian child who made your fucking shoes. They took away your choice and left the rest up to you. Do not believe a word you hear here tonight. We've got money for war and Congress got a[nother] raise. But not for the pregnant teens unless it's faith-based. Money for Univesities but not for the Public Schools. We have no right to die and we are losing the right to choose. So A or B, Coke or Pepsi. Which will it be? Red or Blue will you see through politicism and think of humanity? Do not believe a word you hear here tonight. Lights fly by while the night sky tries to conceal the real feelings that I have inside. The mood I'm in I wouldn't mind seeing the dissolution of our union so do not believe a word you heard here tonight.
2004-2009
01. GARCIA MONOPOLY
from On God and Country or Lack Thereof, 2004
previously unreleased, 2009, ft. Aly Murray on vocals and produced by Josh Allamon
from Building a Better Tomorrow, TSR 2008, ft. Dan Payn on Drums
from Conversations of a Panic Room, TSR 2005, produced by Scotty Dobbs
from Building a Better Tomorrow, TSR 2008
from On God and Country or Lack Thereof, 2004
previously unreleased, 2009, ft Aly Murray
from Conversations of a Panic Room, TSR 2005, produced by Scotty Dobbs
from Building a Better Tomorrow, TSR 2008, ft Dan Payn on drums and JPA & Wilgrim the Bilgrim on gangvox
from Conversations of a Panic Room, TSR 2005, produced by Scotty Dobbs
previously unreleased, 2009, ft Josh Allamon on bass and Jenn Navarro on vocals
from Conversations of a Panic Room, TSR 2006, produced by Scotty Dobbs
from Building a Better Tomorrow, TSR 2008, ft Dan Payn on drums and JPA & Wilgrim the Bilgrim on gangvox
from On and Country or Lack Thereof, 2004
previously unreleased, 2006, recorded in a hotel room outside DC ft Wrey & Nephew
from Building a Better Tomorrow, TSR 2008
Water retention set in months ago and each day now seems to slow down and grow like a lichen on the tree of her life. Hard wrinkles show the pain and her grey strains shine, ripened by the light of the noontime. A penny-pinching coupon-clipping paradise as a trite reward for years of giving under the title of taker. And no we're not all that different, as her son sits in County for the holidays. Something as simple as a cigarette to remember to forget regrets. and in so many words she says... 'Proactive reactions dismantle life's distractions. when can we finally see clear through our own fear?' And in some alternate parallel, her or me or anybody could be sitting on the street with a sign that reads 'You can keep your coins 'cause I want change'. Proactive reactions dismantle life's distractions, when can we finally see clear through our own fear? You or me or anybody could be sitting on the street with a sign that reads 'You can keep your coins 'cause I want change'.
previously unreleased, 2006, recorded in a hotel room outside DC ft Jenn Navarro
from Building a Better Tomorrow, TSR 2008 ft Dan Payn on percussion